Risk A Friendship, For Love?
by screamKid
Summary: Yeah,Wincest. But not incest...cuz they're not brothers..hmm..you deciede!
1. Chapter 1

The cool breeze of the night brushed Sam's neck, Like an invisible kiss. Branches swayed in the slight wind, Causing them to wave. A bright, full moon nestled in the sky. Supplying a minimal amount of light. From what hit his eyes, You could see Sam's firm set jaw line, Dark brown eyes searching, Searching for somewhere to go.

Sam and his father fought alot, Steve was a manic drunk. It was always Sam's fault his life sucked. Sam's fault he hates his job. All Sam does is try to make his Dad happy.

'Like that's ever gonna happen'

Sam's angry thoughts rang in his head. He headed towards Dean's house, His best friend. He called out, looking up at Dean's window, Mary must be asleep. Dean's head popped out the window, Then disappeared. The lock on the old white, wooden door creaked and groaned as the lock turned in the ancient mechanism.

Dean came out of house, a look on his face that told Sam he knew what had happened, But he didn't, this fight was worse then any fight he had been in.

"Hey Sammy, what are you doing here? another fight with your dad?'' Dean asked, his strong voice remained a whisper. "Yeah..i don't really wanna talk about it.." Sam replied, his voice barely a whisper. Although Sam had known Sam since third grade, and they've been bestfriends since then, Dean didn't know everything. He didn't need to know.

They crept into the old house, It was dark in there. To Sam's suprise, he wasn't scared. He followed Dean up the stairs, some squeaked with the weight of both the boys. They came to Dean's room, Posters of "Underoath" Dean's favourite band covered the walls like a shield, Only showing little bits of the old wall behind it. The double bed, Looked inviting. Sam was beat, Dean hadn't noticed he was bleeding from just above his eyebrow. That was a good thing in Sam's mind, Dean would go to any length to make sure his bestfriend was happy.

Dean stripped down to his blue briefs, jumping into bed. Sam followed soon after cleaning the fresh wound from the bottle that hit him. Laying there, Dean asleep, Sam began to think about his life

'Why did i have to be given the shit parent? I know Dean's dad died in that fire...But Mary is awesome. She understands and is so easy to talk to. She would never hit Dean, Dean was the closest person i have allowed myself to become comfortable around'

Sam lifted himself up onto his elbow, sneaking out of bed. Usually Dean would have heard, After all the hunting, training. They hunted monsters together. Sam snuck over to the desk, on the other side of the room, Eased open the draw and pulled out a knife.

Laying on the cold floor in the bathroom, Sam began to cry. Running the knife over his wrist, Making long, thin cuts. Blood leaked out, like poison. Sam stuck his hand over the running tap, ice cold water ran over the cuts, Making the pain worse. Sam didn't care, he enjoyed it.

Sam put the knife back, and got back into the warm bed. Heat supplied by Dean's radiant body.

Light poured through the open window of Dean's small room, Shining right in Sam's eyes. Blood covered the pillow he slept on, the cut had bled all night. Glancing at his wrist, the evidence of his suffering stared back at him, with mocking eyes. Coming down the stairs, Mary had made breakfast, Dean sat at the small dinner table, stuffing his mouth. The sweet smell of Pancakes filled Sam's nose, Making Sam's mouth water, only slightly.

"Morning Sammy, How'd you sleep?" Mary asked, a warm smile on her face. Dean barely noticed him. "Good mornin', Yeah, i slept alright. Dean hogs the bed abit" Sam replied, a small smile on his face. "Do not!" Dean shot back, taking a mouthful of orange juice. Sam sat at the table, Wishing he was hungry. This food would be so good, if he wasn't so damn depressed he couldn't eat. Sam's sleave rose, a tiny bit. Revealing the cuts from last night, Glowing angry red. Dean noticed, a disappointed look on his face, "Whats that Sammy?" Glancing at the slit "Nothing" Sam replied, pulling his sleeve down. "Amber will be here soon, coming over to see how i am" Dean said. With that a bright red car, as red as a ripe tomato pulled into the driveway, gravel crunched under the black tires.

Amber knocked on the door, Dean answered. They kissed before coming back into the house. They held hands as they sat. A new flame burned inside of Sam, One he had never felt before towards Amber.

'Why can't it be me holding his hand? Wait! you can't be thinking this! Your not gay!'

"Hey Sam" Amber said to him a smile on her face, Sam just smiled back. He was jealous, Jealous? Of Amber? Since when? "Sammy, we have to go for a drive soon, i need to talk to you" Dean said, his deep green eyes looked so appealing to Sam. "Uh..yeah sure" Sam said back, his voice a little shakey.

Amber left after Her lips clashed with Dean's. Again, Sam was jealous. He didn't want to be, yet he was.

They got into the shiny, black Impala, and drove off. Going a steady speed. "Sam, whats going on man? I saw the cuts, the look in your eyes when you came own this morning" Dean asked, a streak of worry in his voice. "I'm just fine, Dean" Sam lied. Dean knew, "Sammy, I know your not happy, why else would you do this to yourself?" Dean asked, Reaching out for Sam's arm, Sam pulled away, "What this?" Sam pulled his sleeve up, Revealing his pain and hurt "This is nothing Dean, I hate this...I hate me, I hate my Dad.." Sam said, his voice quaking. "That it not nothing" Dean took Sam's arm, running his warm fingers over the cuts "Sam, we can get through this together, we can succeed" Dean said. with a caring tone in his strong voice.

"Dean, you don't get it. When you say 'we can get through this together' i silently wish you mean more then just as friends, I don't know why, But i think...i love you" Sam said, looking into Dean's eyes, "Woah Sammy, you mean, You want to be with me? I loved you, i always have. But i learnt to get over how i felt, Sure deep down, I love you the same way, But please, please stop doing this to yourself" Dean said, leaning closer to Sam, Sam leaned in closer too, Thier lips millimetres away, Both could feel the soft, warm breath on thier lips. Thier lips met, a passionate kiss. They pulled apart, Dean started the car and drove off, Holding Sam's hand.

"You know, if we ever break up, We're most likely going to lose our friendship" Sam said sadly, His hand still under Dean's. Dean didn't reply for a few minutes, Concentrating on getting home, "We wont, i promise. We were fine before this. Why would it change?" Dean replied, glancing at Sam's brown eyes, almost being lost in them.

The car swerved off the road, Dean cried in pain. His psychic abilities kicking in, causing terrible pain. Sam grabbed the wheel, pulled over and jumped out. Running to the Driver's side, he saw Dean had passed out.

"No Sam! I love you! Please. don't leave me here" Dean cried, a tear running down his face. Hitting Sam's nose.

Dean awoke in bed. Sam had bought him back home, The vision still clear in his head. Sam had died in his arms. Sam came in quietly "Dean?" He said softly, Yet firmly. "Sammy.." Dean managed to get out, his throat dry. "Shh, im here, Dean. I'm here" Sam whispered, sitting on the bed next to Dean. Sam's warm hand brushing Dean's cheek. Dean leaned in, Sam's touch made him happy. "Dad's memorial! Did i miss it?!" Dean cried, jerking upright, "Dean, you need to rest. Your Dad's memorial is this afternoon" Sam said, his voice soft anf heartwarming. Sam kissed Dean, his warm lips against his bestfriends. "Sam, is he-" Mary asked, walking in the room. Interupting the passionate kiss. "Oh..hey Dean, you ok?" Mary asked, abit of shock in her soft voice. "Yeah, im fine now that Sam is here" Dean replied, smiling. "I always knew there was something between you, The way one would look away when the other looked him" Mary said, "So, your fine with it?" Sam questioned. "Of course, i just want my two boys happy, Oh, Sam, are you coming to the memorial for John this afternoon?", "Umm..i don't think i should, I didn't know John. Shouldn't it be more of a family thing?" Sam asked, looking at Mary and Dean. "I want you to..come" Dean rasped, "Are you sure?" Sam asked "Yeah"

The sun was bright, birds were singing and even though it was a memorial for Dean's dead father, People seemed happy. Dean made a speach, his eyes filling with tears as he neared the end,

"Dad, I don't remember that night, But i do remember you. You were always there, i just know it. Dad, i mi-" Then Dean burst into tears, Sam walked up, Hugged Dean and helped him off the stage. "Sam, finish, my, speach" Dean said in between whimpers.

Sam walked up onto the stage, cleared his throat and began talking, "Hi, My Name is Sam. I'll be finishing Dean's speech for him, Dad, i know your watching, I hope your proud. Even though your not here in body, You will always be here in soul. You give me guidence. At night i look up into the sky, trying to find the star that is yours" Sam read from the paper, Tears forming in his own eyes. He stepped down and walked over to Dean, Resuming making him feel better. Hugging him, for what it was worth.

All of Dean's family made a speach, some fell apart, others managed to make it off the stage. Dean sat with his head on Sam's shoulder, a small spot where Dean's tears had fallen on his shoulder made his shoulder cold, but Dean needed to be held.

They got back home, pulling up in the driveway in the old Impala, it purred as the gravel groaned and crunched as the car drove over it. They all went to be early that night, the day was both emotionally and physically. Everyone was asleep, but Sam.

Once again he crept over to the desk, took out the knife and sat on the floor on the bathroom, cutting himself an crying.

'Dad, why can't you be like Dean's dad? A Dad who actually fucking cared about his son. Who didn't hate him, hit him and blame him. Dad...why can't you be proud of me?

He finished cutting, running his arm under the cold water, The pain making him feel better. He went and slumped in bed next to Dean, who noticed his absence. "I hope you weren't doing what i think you were doing.." Dean whispered, half accusingly. "Can't we talk about this in the morning Dean? I don't feel like talking about it right now anyway.." Sam replied, his voice a shivering whisper. Dean leaned over, Kissing Sam's soft, lush lips. "Goodnight, Sammy. Sweet dreams" Dean whispered in Sam's ear. "You too, no nightmares tonight, hey?" Sam asked, "They go away when your around" Dean replied, closing his eyes. Preparing for the nightmares he knew would come. He could lie, Tell Sam they didn't come when he was there. But they always did. They weren't even nightmares, But memories of his trip to hell.

Dean jerked out of his nightmare, Sam had already woken up, thank god. Sam emerged from the bathroom, Just a towel wrapped clumsily around his waist. He pulled some clothes on, making sure to cover up the fresh cuts. He walked over to Dean, leaned over and gave him a light peck on his warm lips. Dean grabbed his wrist, pulling up the sleave of his jacket, revealing the slits..slits of hate and jealousy, Sam was jealous of Dean. "What the hell, Sam? You promised you wouldn't do that anymore" Dean said, disappointed in Sam, "Dean, I'm sorry..just after the way you spoke so highly of your Dad. How proud you are to have him as your father..it hurt" Sam said, turning away. "How about tonight, we look for a job to do? Take your mind off a few things, I've been looking and something has been going down, not far from here. I think it might be another Werewolf, you in?" Dean asked, kind of excited. "Um..yeah sure..why not" Sam replied, Dean releasing Sam's wrist from his tight grasp.

They knew it was here, somewhere. Searching, for it's next victim. Sam couln't help but stare at Dean in the moonlight, he looked like an angel, A serious one at that. His lips pursed tightly together, his deep green eyes straining to find the werewolf.

A twig snapped under the weight of the werewolf. Not only were the boys looking for it, It was looking for them. It was hungry..so hungry. Dean heard the twig snap, instinct kicked in. His gun raised, loaded with silver bullets. Dean was always the better hunter, Sam guessed it was because he intended to kill the Silver Eyed Demon, The demon who killed his father. They already killed her brother, The Yellow Eyed Demon.

Dean was thrown into a tree, his gun flung in the other direction. The werewolf had made it's move. Dean let out a groan of pain. Sam sprung into action, Raising his gun. Trying to get a good shot, The werewolf hit him. Sam flew into a group of rocks, He hit his head. Sending him soaring into unconsciousness. Dean's face, Serious, Even with a line of blood travelling from his hair line.

Dean pulled the trigger, A silver bullet shining in the beautiful moonlight hit the werewolf, One last howl before it fell to the ground. Blood pouring out if it's heart. He ran over to Sam, holding him in his arms. "Please Sammy, Please..don't go.." Dean whispered, Tears welling up in his eyes. "Sammy, stay with me..please..Sam" Dean cried, tears began to fall, Gracefully, like sacred crystals. "D-dean...?" Sam whispered, Dean only just heard him.

The writings on the wall,  
you've read that I'll be gone, but if you call my name Just know that I'll come running,  
for one more night to spare with you This is where I'm meant to be,  
please don't leave me.

"Morning, Sammy" Dean whispered in Sam's ear. His head on Dean's chest, the pumping of his heart so comforting, "Dean..i love you" Sam croaked. "I love you too, which is why...i want you to go see your Dad" Dean asked, expecting a 'Fuck no' or 'Why?' but Sam replied "Ok..I guess i have to sooner or later".

Sam walked to his house, Bracing himself for a fight. He could never hurt his Dad the way he hurt him...never. He eased open the door, the door..."Sam is that you? Where the fuck have you been, you ungrateful fuckwit" Steve's angry voice came from the loungeroom. "Yeah, it's me.." Sam replied, knowing this would end well.

What if I wanted to break Laugh it all off in your face What would you do?(Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh)  
What if I fell to the floor Couldn't take this anymore What would you do, do, do?

A sharp, hot pain shot through his arm. Sam saw his Dad's angry face, The knife in his hand before it was buried in his arm. Sam cried in pain, begging his Dad to stop.

Come, break me down Bury me, Bury me I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight Beg for the rest of my life.  
What would you do? (Do,do)  
You say you wanted more What are you waiting for I'm not running from you (from you)

Sam's Dad yelled in his screwed up face, "SAM IT'S YOUR FAULT. YOUR FAULT I SUFFER!' With that he kicked him in the ribs, Sam cried with more pain.

Come, break me down Bury me, bury me I am finished with you Look in my eyes You're killing me, killing me All I wanted was you to be proud

"I never wanted you, Your mother made me stay. Only to raise a fucked up kid like YOU!" Sam's Dad screamed, punching him in in the face. Sam begged, pleaded for his Dad to stop hitting him.

I tried to be someone else But nothing seemed to change I know now: this is who I really am inside I Finally found myself Fighting for a chance I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM

Dean burst through the front door, Running to Sam's side. Passing Steve, he king hit him in the face. Steve stood, Whacked Dean in the back of the head with a chair. Then pulled the knife out of Sam's arm. Steve's hand, holding the knife came rushing down, Towards Sam's face. Sam winced, shutting his eyes. Waiting on the impact. It Never came, Sam opened his eyes. His Dad lay dead next to him, A knife buried in his back. Dean standing, panting. He walked over and sat with Sam, taking him into his arms. Sam's muffled sobs made Dean want to stay there forever.

"It'll be okay, Sam. It'll be all ok. I'm here now, Shhh"

Lyrics from this story are: You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance and The Kill by 30 seconds to mars. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer - They're not mine, I wish they were though. *sneaky grin*

I know i haven't updated this story in ages, but im starting writing again.

This wasn't the first time Sam had felt alone. Since Dean had saved him, literally, it was one of the only feelings he knew. The wind tore at Sam's body, like ice cold claws creeping all over his skin, trying to reach his heart, freezing it over. Dean had promised not to leave him again, promising to protect him, Dean had promised. Now, he was gone. Leaving Sam lost in his own, black confusion. Rain pelted Sam's face, easily hiding the tears that would be sliding gracefully down his bruised cheeks. He didn't know where he was going, nor did he care.

The loud music pumped Dean's head, stopping him from thinking. Failing at stopping guilt crawl through every inch of his body. He didn't want to leave Sam, not like this, not ever. But he couldn't stay, there was research that hadn't been done. But, on the same hand he couldn't look in the younger man's eyes and see his heart break when he left. Dean let out a sufferring sigh, pulling the car out and reaching for his cell sitting on the black dash of the imaculate impala. Flicking through the saved numbers, he came to the one he wanted, on screen the name 'Sam' flashed. His fingers hovered over the green dial button, the slight shake in his finger soon spread to his hand. He pushed the button, pausing for a second before holding to his ear.

"Dean?" Sam's quivering voice answered the phone, the wind making it hard to hear.  
"Yeah, Sammy. It's me." Dean replied.  
"Where are you? Why did you leave?" Sam forced out before it stick to his throat. There was a million things he wanted, no, needed to say, but they just swirled on the tip of his tounge.  
"I-I um..i'm coming back." Dean decieded without even thinking it, it was a three day drive back to Kansas.  
"Your mum is worried sick about you, Dean." Sam spilled out, it wasn't Dean's mum worried sick, it was him.  
"I-I know, im coming back, i should be home in a couple days, 3 days max." Dean replied, slowly closing his cell, cutting off the call.

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Sam turned around and began trudging back to the house. Rain fell all around his feet, like it was following him, choosing him to be it's king. 'Why had he doubted Dean? Why did he think everything he seemed to do wasn't enough? Dean had just gone out of town to research, obviously. Fuck, I'm was so stupid!'

"You are not stupid. You just assumed and most of the time, assuming things isn't the smartest thing." A mystery voice was caught on the wind, carrying to Sam from his left.  
"Sorry?" Sam asked, trying to squint past the rain and see the person casually standing against a post in the rain.  
"This, Dean fellow, something he has done isn't your fault. He left town, correct? To research?" The voice got louder and Sam got closer.  
"I-uh, yeah. How do you know this?" Sam asked, lost and confused. He was standing in the rain, some stranger talking to him like they were crawling around his head.  
"I know alot of things. And, i know for one, you are not stupid. I also know that Dean feels terrible for leaving you." She replied, her voice calm. "W-who are you?" Sam asked, not scared, but unsure.  
"My name is Emily. And, you, you are Sam Stevens." She replied, not looking up from where she was playing with the cuff of her tight jacket.  
"Oh. Oh, hey. Would you like to come back to the house with me? I wanted to ask you something but it's raining and yeah." Sam asked, turning to walk away.

The girl didn't follow, Sam took it as a no. As Sam got to the bottom of the hill, he noticed Emily was behind him. Her black hair clinging tightly around her face, a fringe covering half her face. Usually, Sam wouldn't invite someone into the house unless he knew them properly. But, this girl, Emily, she knews things about him. He needed to know why. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer - Some characters are my own. You guys will know which ones are and which aren't.**

Please review. (Constructive critisicm only please!) This isn't wincest, because they are not brothers. So, therefore, not incest Oh, and I'm sorry for the late upload.. My internet providers aren't the best and I didn't have the internet for quite a few days. I didn't expect the chapter to be this long, but I was really bored so I continued it. The next chapter will be up same time next week, if all goes well.

_ He had to know why_

Emily and Sam sat in the living room of the spacious two storey house. Sam stood to make some tea for Emily and himself, after walking upstairs and asking Mary if she would like one too.

"What did you need?" Emily asked calmy, the white ceramic cup held firmly in her hand.  
"How do you know all this about me? A-about Dean?" Sam asked, his eyes wandering down her worn jacket, the cuffs frayed and the old label on the chest was hard to make out.  
"Ah..Dean.." Emily's voice lost track, slipping back into her never ending gaze into the dark brown tea, like it was revealing the prophecy of the world.

Sam looked straight at Emily, her gaze leaving the tea and looking straight in Sam's light green eyes.

"You doubt him, don't you?" Emily asked, it was barely a question. More of a statement.  
"W-what? I don't doubt Dean." Sam shot back. His voice stayed normal, nothing inside changed.  
"You doubt that he really does want you. That he does enjoy your company. You think he left town because he needed to get away from _you_." Emily's voice never changed, it kept the same calm tone. Like nothing in the world was wrong.  
"How do you know this?" Sam cried, his voice raising a little, not enough to alert Mary.  
"I am psychic. I can hear what your thinking." Emily sighed, standing to leave.

Emily left, leaving Sam in his own thoughts. It wasn't that he was confident, because even Sam had his moments. He wasn't sure if this was what Dean had wanted.

Days passed since Emily's visit, Dean was due back today. The tightness in Sam's chest lifted just a bit as the time went by, time moves so slowly when you desperatly need to feel the warmth of a particular persons body. This feeling was just enough to make Sam constantly check the time and his hands to shake like an eartquake, threatening to come alive at any moment.

The loud pur of Dean's slick, black Impala raided Sam's ears. Dean was back. Sam let out a breath that he had no idea he was containing in his now, loose chest. His heart beating in time with the Impala's engine.

The doorhandle squeaked under the pressure of being turned by Dean's masculine hands, Sam's heart quickened its pace. Without thinking, Sam stood. It was like he wasn't good enough to sit down while Dean entered the house. He mentally slapped his forhead with his palm.

"Hi.." Dean said, his cheeks turning a light pink, ducking his head so Sam couldn't see.  
"Hey. Uh-How are you?" Sam asked, the awkwardness in his voice was as evident as a shark in a fishtank.  
"Good. Good, now." Dean stepped in, his eyes fluttering closed as he clipped Sam's bottom lip with a kiss.

Dean wandered upstairs, dropping his things in his room. It wasn't like Sam to keep things this clean, yeah, sure he did have a bit of a neatness problem. But thier bedroom was spotless, not one dot of dust was seen anywhere. Dean was lucky his eyes werent burnt out of his skull. Dean walked into Mary's room, telling her he was home.

The rest of the night went pretty quickly and before Sam knew it, he was laying in bed, Dean's warm breath on the back of his neck. It felt good, to have Dean's radient body next to his, Dean's arm comfortably wrapped around his stomach.  
"We're going for a drive tomorrow, okay?" Dean whispered into Sam's hair.  
"Okay, where to?" Sam whispered back, closing his eyes and enjoying having Dean next to him once again. It wasn't any different from any other night with Dean, but after being away from him for almost four days, he missed it.

Dean didn't reply, he just closed his eyes and he knew he was in pure bliss just holding Sam.

The sun crept up on Sam's face, it's warm glow heating Sam's skin. A light streak of sweat sat on his top lip, shining in the mid-day light. Eyelids fluttered, letting the light green iris' show. The heat of Dean's body was no longer next to him, he must have woken up a while ago.

Today was a massive day for Sam. It wasn't going for a drive with Dean that made it massive. No. It was Sam's eighteenth birthday, the day he became legal. Dean hadn't mentioned anything, either had Mary. Had they both forgotten his birthday? No. They couldn't have. Sam shook the thought out of his mind before he could ponder on it any longer. Heaving himself up onto his elbows blinking hard, the old posters of UnderOath still clung lightly to the walls, clothes scattered carelessly across the hard, wooden floor. Mary walked past the door, smiling sweetly at Sam.

"Morning, Sam. Breakfast is ready downstairs" She said.

Sam smiled, Mary's white evening gown draped loosly around her shins as she walked elegently away.

Hot steam rose in the air, Sam inhaled the clean smell of the water splaying over his shoulders and down his body. Sam was skinny, he knew that. Lately he'd been noticing his ribs stuck out more, his muscles beginning to sag. He'd been eating properly, hadn't he? Sam was sure he was eating, alot more then when he still lived with his, now dead, father. There wasn't a day when he didn't think about the things his father did to him, he'd promised Dean not to hurt himself anymore. The small knife Sam still carried with him every second of the day and, at night underneath his pillow sat on the basin. Steam escaped from the large bathroom when Sam opened the door. Waves of it, like a race between Sam and the steam. Sam didn't care if he won or not. He was oblivious to the race itself. Dean sat on the bed, looking at Sam standing there blushing like crazy, adjusting the loose white towel around his waist. Sam pulled on briefs, his cheeks still light pink, half from the shower and half from blushing. Loose baggy jeans hung from Sam's hips, standing in between Dean's legs with his back to the person who was everything in Sam's eyes. Dean's warm arms wrapped around Sam's waist, pulling him down to sit infront of him. Dean pressed his face into Sam's back, breathing in the smell that was Sam. They sat like this for a while, just enjoying the warmth of each other.

"So. When are we going for this drive?" Sam asked as he stood, Dean's arms sliding across his stomach and landing heavily on Dean's thighs.  
"Uh, later on. I need to do some things, if thats okay?" Dean asked, lifting his eyes to meet Sam's.  
"Sure is." Sam replied, catching Dean's hand and intwining his fingers with his own.

Time seemed to slow, even Dean's heart seemed to be slow enough to beat in time with the tick of the clock. Passing seconds, passing heartbeats. The sun had began its descent below the horizon, the first signs of dusk were showing.

"Lets go, Sammy." Dean said, pulling on his leather jacket.

Sam obeyed, opening the white door that lead to the real world. The world where anything was possible, the sky was the limit. He secretly thanked whoever ran life for being able to be with Dean.

The not so interesting scenery rolled past. Sam's head laid against the cold glass of the passenger side window. Dean's eyes focused only on the road, glancing over at the same pace to reassure himself that Sam was still there, even though he knew he was. Dean couldn't give away his plan, he had to remain normal, be himself. Sam usually spoke while they were driving, but this trip he was unusually quite. Dean knew why, but he had to ask.

"Is everything _okay_ there, Sammy?" Dean asked, glancing over at Sam who kept his eyes locked on the passing houses.  
"I, uh, yeah. Fine. It's just.." Sam's voice trailed off.  
"Just?" Dean frowned. Putting on the whole act that he was completely clueless.  
"Dean, you forgot my _birthday_.. It's not like I expected one, I haven't had an actual birthday since I was five."  
"We're here," Dean sighed. His poker-face unbroken. "Look, Sam. I didn't forget your birthday.."  
"How come you didn't say anything, then?" Sam said, staring straight into Dean's deep green eyes.  
"Because.."

Dean grabbed Sam's hand, pulling him down a small ally-way. The small ally-way opened up to a dock, a big boat swayed with the current.

"Happy birthday, Sammy." Dean grinned, squeezing Sam's hand tightly.  
"Th-this is for _me_?" Sam asked, completely shocked.  
"Yeah. Well, not the boat.. but we are going on it.." Dean blushed, scratching the short hairs on the back of his neck.

Sam opened his mouth to apologise for doubting Dean, but closed it when Dean tugged on his hand again towards the boat. Sam followed, stepping onto the hard wooden deck, he took in his surroundings. Lights covered the railings, tiny little, coloured bulbs gave off light. This, was amazing.

Sam and Dean sat, eating lobster, served by a woman wearing a white button-up shirt and a black skirt.

"Hey, Dean. How did you manage to plan this? I was with you the whole time." Sam asked "Remember when I went out of town? Well, thats when I planned this whole thing. For you." Dean replied, holding his gaze into Sam's eyes. For a second he thought he could get lost in them. He was sure he could.

Sam's grin never left his face. He was with Dean, he was on a boat. With Dean. His life was amazing, thanks to Dean. They ate in silence, staring into each others eyes minutes at a time. Music played, it wasn't Dean's usual type of music, which was screamo, heavy metal or deathcore. The music was slow, would it be wrong to ask Sam to dance with him? Dean didn't care if it was wrong, he needed this to be special. For Sam.

"Can, I, uh.. have this dance?" Dean asked as he stood, holding out his hand. Sam placed his own hand in Dean's in reply.

Sam's face pressed into Dean's chest, his arms around Dean's waist. He couldn't imagine his eighteenth birthday would be so perfect.

Dean's chin rest on Sam's hair, lowering his lips down to kiss it.

"I love you, Sammy." Dean whispered into the brown mess of hair.  
"I love you, too." Sam replied, lifting his head, connecting his lips with Dean's. Sam had kissed girls before, but never another man before Dean. The kiss was so full of passion that it was throwing passion all over the white boat rocking silently in the ocean.

Sam and Dean stayed swaying together, as one for a while longer. Feeling like they were being absorbed by the other.

"See, told you I didn't forget your birthday." Dean grinned.  
"I know. I'm sorry for doubting you did, Dean.." Sam whispered, praying to what ever gods were listening that this wouldn't wreck the night.  
"'S okay, Sammy. I would have felt the same way." Dean replied, pressing another kiss into Sam's hair.

Standing there in Dean's arms couldn't have gotten any better. It felt like the rest of the world was gone. It felt like everyone else in the world had just disappeared and he and Dean could stay like this forever. Someone could have stabbed him in the eyes and he still would have been able to see the beauty in Dean. See how perfect he was. Sam wanted to jump around screaming like a madman out of pure happiness. But he didn't, for two reasons; One was he just wanted to stay in Dean's arms and the other was he didn't want to look like a madman.

"Dean, please don't ever leave me. I never want to lose you." Sam whispered into Dean's shirt.  
"I'm never going to leave you, Sammy. Never. Your the best thing that has ever happened to me." Dean replied, smiling still.

Sam was sure of it now. He always knew Dean wouldn't leave him, but there was always that sudden doubt that made him feel quilty as it showed it's ugly face. Dean's love was the only thing Sam needed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own them.**

**Sorry for the late update! I've been sick and I've had assignments, ect.**

**Here it is!**

Sometimes something comes along, cloaks the one who means the most and drags them away without a word spoken. We all promise ourselves and that one person that it will never happen, yet most of the time it does and we sit there and wonder what went wrong, what we did as a person that caused it all.

Summer was almost over; soon there would be hundreds of drones filing into classes, falling back into routine. Routine, the one thing that mean nothing to him.

Dean lay awake, his arm draped across Sam's stomach, the warm velvety skin rubbed against his forearm as Sam shifted, sighing in his sleep. Trying to see what time it was by closing one eye and peering through a crack in the blinds above his head proved pointless.

Dean couldn't help but worry about returning to school, walking through the gates with Sam's hand affectionately entwined with his own. He could almost hear the half-hidden whispers now.

'Dean and Sam are together, Dean and Sam are gay.'

Was he? Is he? Dean didn't really care what people said about him, but he knew Sam would.

*****************************************

Sam awoke softly, slowly coming back into reality. Dean was still there; his muscular arms around his chest told him that. Taking in the warmth of Dean's chest on his back wasn't satisfying enough. Sam twisted, kissing Dean softly.

"Mmm, Good morning, Sammy." Dean said, his Adam's apple bobbing gently against Sam's head.  
'Mornin', Dean." Sam smiled.  
"School tomorrow," Dean said, starting a conversation. "You think your gonna be okay going back?"  
"Yeah, why?" Sam asked, twisting around to face Dean.  
"Just thought, maybe you would be scared... ya'know, everyone knowing we're an item now." Dean replied, poking Sam's nose.  
"So we're an _item_ now?" Sam joked, wrinkling his nose at the touch of Dean's finger.  
"Yep. You're the bitch in this relationship." Dean joked back.  
"Hey. We haven't even had sex. Nobody is the bitch, _yet._" Sam said, putting his head on Dean's chest once more.  
"Well, you're still a virgin, I'm not. So therefore you are the bitch." Dean laughed.  
"You're a dick, you know that, right?" Sam replied, joining laughing.  
"Love you." Dean replied, his eyes turning soft.  
"Love you, too." Sam replied, crawling out of Dean's arms.

By the time Sam had showered, brushed his teeth, pulled on some baggy jeans and a tight shirt it was almost 10am. Breakfast had been cold for awhile; he pushed the thought of eating out of his mind. He could lie to Dean; pretend that he wasn't scared of going back to school but in the end he couldn't lie to himself. He knew it was inevitable; he had to go back to school, whether he was scared or not. He couldn't tell Dean he was scared of it. He knew Dean would just tell him to not worry, to just walk in there with a smile on his face.

"Sam, come check this out!" Dean's voice came from the backyard.

Sam emerged from the house; Dean's back was to him, kneeling on the still damp grass.

"Look, Sammy. It's a kitten!" Dean said, picking up the little fur ball in his large, callused hands. Its eyes, big and frightened.  
"The poor thing is scared half to death, Dean! Bring it inside." Sam said, reaching out to take the kitten out of Dean's hands but he pulled the kitten closer to his chest with a defying look on his face.

Never before had Sam seen Dean be so careful and affectionate to anything but him. He was sort of jealous of the tiny kitten that crouched in a small basket, its eyes searching, scanning both the boys trying to figure out if they would hurt it.

"Let's name it." Dean grinned.  
"Dean you can't get attached, how do you know that it doesn't have a family already that are worried sick about it?" Sam tried to say it gentle, but it came out just a tad wrong. He considered changing what he said but Dean jumped in front of him.  
"It doesn't have a collar, so we don't know if it has a family. Who cares about its family? It's mine now, and I'm naming it Drake." Dean said, scratching Drake under the chin, its loud purr made Dean's heart melt.

***********************************************************

Sam sat on the couch, a blanket draped across his legs and the TV remote on his hand. Flicking through channels aimlessly. Drake's black and white fur crept up on Sam's ankle, attempting to leap up onto the couch a few times but failing. Sam laughed softly, picking up Drake and setting him down on his lap. The small rumble of purring vibrating on Sam's leg, he knew why Dean's heart had melted, because his was, too.

Drake was soon asleep; the tiny kitten's black and white coat rose and fell in exact time with Sam's slow heartbeat.

'I remember when we used to do that." Dean said, standing in the doorway with a little grin on his face.  
"Used to do what?" Sam asked  
"Curl up on the lounge like that. Ya'know, like one of those romantic snow trips where the guy and the chick curl up on the lounge and make out." Dean grinned.  
"Uh, dude. We never did that. As if you would do that anyway." Sam laughed  
"How do you know that I wouldn't? After all, I did dance with you on your birthday." Dean smiled; he hoped if he set a good mood tonight, tomorrow wouldn't seem like hell for Sam.

"Yeah... that was the most amazing night ever, Dean." Sam replied, his eyes were distant, like he was re-living that night.  
"Hey. No problem, Sammy. I love you."  
"I love you, too." Sam replied, a big smile on his face.

**Sorry to leave it there! I just thought you guys would like another chapter. I'm not setting a date for the next chapter, as I am really busy doing year 10.  
Love yas.  
x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own them. Wish I did, this is a cruel world we're living in. *evil glare***

**Summary:**** The first day back at school.**

**Warnings:**** My stories don't usually have a lot of swearing in them, but this chapter and the chapters after will. BoyXBoy! One sex scene in this chapter. Hope you guys like it ;)**

The day had started alright; Sam had woken up curled up next to Dean, like most mornings, sleepily dragged his feet across the floorboards towards the shower and sighed as the hot water splayed over his shoulders, running down his pecks and then across his abs. The cold hands of anxiety clawed at the walls of his stomach, wanting to escape the small enclosure like a lion in a cage, wanting to get out and explore Sam's slightly shaking body even under the hot water. It _had _to happen. Sam had to go back to school, even though he hated the idea.

**************************

Dean ventured into the lower level of the household to find Sam staring blankly into his coffee.

'_This is going to be a long day' _Dean admitted to himself.

"Hey, Sammy. What's up?" Dean asked, smiling past the worry evident on his face  
"Hey. Uh, hey. Sorry, was reading the paper." Sam lied, looking up from his coffee.  
"Oh. Well wouldn't you need the paper to read it, man? 'Cos it's over here." Dean held up the paper his smile sinking off his face.  
"I don't like the idea of going back as much as you do, but we have too. We can't hide all our lives." Dean said, sitting next to Sam, placing his hand on Sam's thigh.  
"Yeah, I'm just scared, that's all." Sam admitted, putting his hand on Dean's.  
"You're kidding, right? We face vampires, poltergeists and demons and you're scared of facing humans?" Dean joked.  
"I expected you to at least understand a tiny bit, Dean..." Sam whispered, taking a tiny sip from the mug.  
"Sammy, I do understand. It's just... you're amazing and even if being with you does make me gay, then so be it." Dean locked fingers with Sam's, running his thumb on Sam's wrist.  
"Dean, you're the only one who thinks that though." Sam looked deep into Dean's green eyes, wishing he could disappear inside them.  
"Sam. If nobody can see that in you, they must be pretty fucking blind. You're my best friend before you're my boyfriend; I care about you... more than anything in this world."

Sam appreciated what Dean would have called a 'chick flick moment'; it helped him get out the door and to begin the short walk towards school, Dean's fingers between his own, in a lock of trust and security. Sam ran his eyes along almost every crack in the pavement. He felt like every crack in the path was the cracks in his life. His mother dying when he was at a young age, the abuse and humiliation that came with his father being his guardian and now, when all those cracks seemed to be healing, another would open. It felt like a pointless race.

"It's gonna be okay, I'm here. If anyone says anything, or does something, let me know." Dean said, squeezing Sam's hand tightly as they walked through the gates of the old school. It only took one step before it felt like every student was staring at them, at their hands locked together and at the way the boys' steps were in-sync.

A girl walked towards them, dressed in a loose black tank top and black skinny jeans. Her white hair sat above her shoulders and her blue eyes stood out like a white dot on a black piece of paper. It took a few moments to realise that it was Amber, Dean's ex. She walked right past Sam, grabbing Dean and planting her lips on him. Dean's face screwed up, pushing her away.

"What the fuck, Amber?!" Dean cried, taking a step back, his hand still connected with Sam's.

Amber let go of Dean's wrist with a sour look on her face, and kept walking past them.

The bell rung, those hundreds of drones filed into classes like Dean had predicted.

Sam sat in History, the teacher rambling on about the Vietnam War or something, Sam wasn't listening. He was paying more attention to the looks the people in his class were giving him. One particular boy, Steven, his name was, who Sam used to be pretty good friends with passed him a note that said:

'_Have you eaten his cock yet? Faggot.'_

Sam scrunched up the note, tossing it on the ground and scowling at him. Steven laughed, flipping Sam off. The thing that set Sam off the most was, one of his best friends threw a paper-plane at him, with 'Open me' on one of the wings, inside was a scribble of two stick figures, him and Dean, Sam presumed, having sex. With 'Fag' in big, bold, black lettering.

Sam stood; looking around at the thirty pairs of eyes locked on him and said, "You know what? Fuck you!" before storming out, slamming the big green door behind him. Tears stung the corner of his eyes, willing them to go away. Sam decided against going home, instead he went to the river just down the road from school.

******

Dean wandered down the old corridor of school, hands deep in his pockets. He hated English, so he decided to skip it and not go when he saw Sam walking towards him. Sam kissed Dean roughly, sweeping the inside of his mouth clean, shedding Dean's jacket from his masculine shoulders, he pushed him in the Janitor's Closet. Sam took total control, straddling Dean's hips, continuing to kiss him roughly. Sam was hard himself, he could feel Dean's own erection stretching his jeans which he unbutton to give it some release. Dean pushed against Sam's entrance with one finger, stretching him enough to get the other in. Dean positioned himself right in front of the tight hole, pushing inside and moaning from deep in his throat.

Sam grazed Dean's collarbone with a single tooth, sending Dean crazy, increasing the speed in which his cock pushed in and out, nearing his climax. Sam thrusting down as Dean rammed inside him, a few more of these had Dean struggling to keep consciousness. Sam kissed the lobe of Dean's ear and whispered into it "You know the only way we can be together properly is if I'm no longer around."  
"What are you talking about Sammy?" Dean mumbled, using a shelf to keep upright.  
"Next time you see me, I want you to kill me, okay? Then we can really be together." Sam whispered again, pulling his clothes on.  
"Okay." Dean agreed, following Sam's actions of getting dressed.

******

I know it took me quite awhile to upload this, but I was having a bit of trouble with it so I wrote another story about Naruto, you can read it here: .net/s/5144029/1/Tell_Me_Anything_And_Everything_Will_Be_Okay

Please review! Reviews make me very happy. So far, I have 3 reviews out of 398 hits and 5 chapters. So you guys have been very slack! SO, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!!!!!  
Love you all, xxx.


	6. NOTICE!

Hey guys!!  
I just thought I would let you know, I won't be able to upload the next chapter of this story for the next two weeks, I'll try my hardest to get it up, and I have begun writing it. I will work on it in any spare time that I do get!

Sorry for any inconvenience.

P.S: To salatuh, who reviewed this story, no. Dean is not dead!! A Siren is a Supernatural being that is seen as the person who is looking it, it is seen as what they see in their mind as perfect. Wow! That took a lot to explain. I don't know how to review my own stories, so, if anyone could give me hints and little walkthroughs of Fanfiction, please review this chapter with them, I'm new to this community and im still yet to get used to it.

Thanks!

Love yas.  
xxx


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm getting sick of writing this here. So, for the next few chapters, I am disclaiming them ****now****. **

**Author's note: Okay, I understand I haven't updated in a hell of a long time, I am sorry! I don't think I've ever actually experienced writer's block, and now I have. You learn something new every day. **

Seventeen years ago a house was burnt to the ground. Two houses, in fact. The family residing in one of the houses went by the last name Winchester, whilst the other went by the last name James. Both families lost a member that night, John Winchester and Sandra James both lost their lives horrifically. A month earlier, Sandra had given birth to twins, Sam and Jake. Sam escaped the house miraculously, while Jake hasn't been seen since that night. His fate will never be known.

While no suspects, evidence or a motive were found, many people still believe something went wrong. After all, how can there be two house fires in the same neighbourhood, on the same night, when both families were close friends.

-x-x-

The young boy hit the floor with a heavy thud; a small groan fell out of his mouth before he could catch it. Life was rough, he had no family. The attacker didn't know, nor did he care. To the man towering above the young boy, he was just a slut, a use to get what he wanted. A tool.

"You'll do as I say, got that, bitch?" The older man rasped, putting himself back in his shorts. "Give me my money." The young boy coughed though the blood rapidly filling his mouth from a split lip, winded from the knee that had embedded itself into his stomach moments before. "No." The older man denied the young boy what he owed him, filling him with emotions beyond recognition, and then leaving through the dark alley-way, hopefully never to be seen again.

"Jesus, Jake! What are you doing down here? You're bleeding, oh god. Look at you!" A young girl screamed as she ran down that dark alley-way to the young boy's side, which just looked at her like she was stupid before standing and walking away. "That boy will never learn..." she whispered to herself before getting up off her knees and walking to her car.

-x-x-

This wasn't the life anyone would choose for themself, a series of foster homes and numerous charges tucked tightly under your belt. Hard, cold stone pressing relentlessly into every inch of the side of your body that you chose to sleep on that night.

Jake lay awake, on the floor, underneath him a thin rug reducing the hardness of the ground in what used to be a house. A house that he had reluctantly squatted in until he got enough money from quickies and faked moans just to get the payer off, to get it over and done with. Sleep often tugs at him as he lies, but almost never gives in to it. It's almost as if fear was the only emotion that resided in him, always having one eye open in case he hadn't satisfied the customer to their satisfaction and they came looking for him. This wasn't normal fear. This was fear, real fear, the fear we never want to feel.

The only thing he really knew, he couldn't sleep at night. Normal people, citizens were the enemy. The hated.

He did sometimes think about where he came from, where his family was, but never really sat on the idea for long. Emotions were useless, unnecessary.

-x-x-

Imagine a diamond, just a normal diamond. No particular size, just a normal diamond. A diamond is the hardest natural substance known to man, although they can be broken down into a smaller form, it's hard to do. Hardness and strength are two different things. Sam was sure this was how Dean made him feel, like a diamond; unbreakable. While he still felt fragile, as if one wrong look could break him, he felt like Dean was his shield. Which wasn't always a good thing.

Rides in that old Impala weren't always quiet, there was usually the sound of Black Sabbath filling the air, Dean tapping the tune of yet another song in his music library or the silence that filled it now. This was one of those times where neither boy was sure if they spoke they would keep their heads. The whole reason why they started to fight was stupid, Sam justified.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Sam whispered, eyes coming away from being locked on the boring grey scenery. It was a gloomy day and it didn't help either of the boys' moods. "I'm not angry that it happened, Sam! I'm angry that you weren't more careful!" Dean shouted, taking his own eyes off the road momentarily before continuing the never-ending staring contest with the road that passed underneath them. "Jesus, Dean! How was I supposed to know? It looked exactly like you!" Sam's voice raised a few notches. "What?" Dean asked, this was one of those little things that most people left out of a story out of laziness, to get it over with and then everyone would know and it would be over. "I said, it looked exactly like you. Right down to the necklace I got you, that scar on your wrist from the night you fought off my dad..." Sam replied, his eyes not even daring to stray from whatever they were trapped on. "Oh. Why didn't you tell me?" Dean was confused, any other day Sam would have teased him for it. "'Cause, ya'know, I thought it didn't really matter." Sam took his eyes off the endless amount of trees and looked at Dean, who pulled him closer, Sam rested his head on Dean's shoulder and soon fell into his first sleep since the events that had lead them driving as far away as possible after Dean had plunged the axe into the Siren's head.

Road continued to be swallowed up by the tyres of the black impala, the sun's last ray's fell on the roof, Dean Drove on. Confused and tired. He always knew Sam's mind was complex territory, but this just sent him flying out the back windscreen.

-x-x-

Jake pulled himself into a sitting position, sighing with disappointment. For some stupid reason he actually thought today would have been better, Jake cursed at himself under his breath while rolled up the thin blanket he had slept underneath.

Anger, is it in the heart or the mind? Many people are lead to recognise anger as a dangerous emotion, and yet they fail to see that happiness can lead to anyone's demise. Sadness is meant to be one of those emotions nobody wants to feel, and yet we do. There are emotions nobody knows how to explain, describe or even understand but they still come around at one time or another. A lot of people would say being disappointed in someone is so much worse than just being angry at them, because if someone if angry at you, you can always display the same amount of anger towards them. But disappointment, nobody knows how to pull disappointment out of thin air. But after disappointment, is there a moment when you stop and suddenly realise that you can probably help that person by using your disappointment in a positive way? Or do you just keep that disappointment alive and lose the relationship you had with that person?

Jake didn't know what it was like to really care, to have someone to show him how much they care, to help him. He was disappointed in himself, and as much as people like to tell you that there is some way to turn around self-disappointment, they're lying.

*********************

**Review please! I love to hear opinions, so please review! It makes me write faster!!**

**Xo CryForHelp.**


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